There is no such thing as eager beaverness in me anymore. Has there been any? Well, ever since I started my long-lasting education; Sunday best, combed down hair and shrewd eyes; I have considered the state of knowing things to be a weapon rather than anything else. Knowledge is power, isn't it? But as each and every kind of power in this and other worlds, knowledge can be abused and misapplied. All you need is to find a person like me and make her believe there's no grade of punishment for mistakes and no one who sins by making one deserves to live. This is what I was shown and told in the first grade. You know, I don't want to be powerful anymore. I don't wanna know. I'm aware it's no good to stop exploring. As my Dad always says: she who ceases to learn descends into her own grave.. voluntarily. Still, it's hard-wired and neurotic on my part. And it echoes in my head every time I get down to studying; that strive for perfection induced by the sovereign voice of my primary school teacher. "What a blunder. Shame on you."
I must study. Imagine hurt, imagine tears. Go on, laugh at me. I've been violated.
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