Kitchen table: what an absolutely terrific place in the house! My favourite one, to be honest. Just think how versatile it is! Suitable for binging, slurping, chatting.. One may even think that every activity could be pursued on a kitchen table. But not so fast! There are two exceptions: killing flies and having sex. If, by some miracle, the order surprises you, here is the why and wherefore.
Firstly, during sex no one dies (unless the sex is extremely good or bad). As a matter of fact, it can even be productive at times. In contrast, the act of aiming a blow at a fly is nearly always crowned with death. The worst kind of death - one deprived of a funeral! And the ceremony is something the dead lover could probably count on (unless the sex was really bad).
Secondly, for all its self-defence quality, murder is a murder. I'm not trying to make excuses for bitchy flies who commonly tresspass on your premises and breach your peace. I know perfectly well how annoying they are, but if one's unsophisticated nature is the only reason for killing, you're a murderer and that's that! And besides, eating on a crime scene is not particularly appetizing, is it?
I can't think of anything to put here as the third argument, so I'll now use the remaining space for jobbery. Let me just tell you that for me, a kitchen table, any table, is a sacred place. But don't take it over the top. Don't make it an altar.
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