KEEP UPRIGHT

I know how much you adore the romantic side of life, but I must object or else I'll die of asphyxia. Idioms related to the l word are plain stupid and none is the exception here. The phrase fall for somebody is the most eye-offending of all. It conjures up the image of a puppet stumbling upon nothing at all for no purpose in particular. Sorry, but the idea of voluntary banging against the ground, if metaphorical, appears outright absurd. I don't want anybody to fall for me simply on the strength of this phrase's slavish conotation. If you wish to bruise yourself, go ahead. I take no responsibility.

Why the hell do most l***y-dovey phrases suggest leaning out of perpendicular? Whatever happened to human dignity, I ask you? What's wrong about the upright position? Remember I'm not gonna stoop to any level below my own, I prefer standing. Don't go down to your knees, don't find yourself swept off your feet, don't fall for me. Ever.

And one more thing, to carry a torch for me you must bite my arms off.

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I-WITNESS:

FINAL WORD


Truth is a matter of the imagination.

U.K.L.
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