ADVERTING TO..

If I could make one kind of advertising campaigns cease to be, it wouldn't be the door-to-door (you can smash the door in the interloper's face in self-defence), it wouldn't be the aggravating twenty-minute breaks during movies (you can go pee or make a sandwich, so they have their uses), it'd be, my dear friends, leaflets. Anyone who stops me on my way, offering a credit, an anti-cellulite cosmetic or a pizza bargain is likely to be shot at dawn the following day, if only I get my hands on them. I lost count of how many homicides I perpetrated in my head. And all I have to say for myself is that any leaflet campaign is nothing but harassment, it's an abuse of my spare time, my refreshing walk, my sense of personal alienation. And show me someone who doesn't throw those worthless scraps in the nearest trash bin. The paper could be used for something more rarefied, such as a book or a notebook for someone to learn how to read or write. Why waste it on the most irritating type of advert ever invented, one that forces both givers and takers to partake? I feel sorry for flyer-deliverers, because they risk their lives and are paid next to nothing. I'd rather go on the game than become one. And so I suggest the hapless windswept good-news prophets unite and stuff their bosses with this paper waste from behind. It might do some good, contrary to setting leaflets on strangers.